Wednesday, January 31, 2007


Its summer and I'm happy cause the winter is a far away thing and the children they are laughing cause there's a new TARGET in town . We can buy our brand new undies (under wear) and be as happy as happy can be and I am Tubbsie, ate all my dinner and the wine is tasting good. (Please remember to drink irresponsibly)

I give you a ball of golden thread, do with it what you will.


Tuesday, January 30, 2007


Gentleness and kindness is what I'm all aboooot. But that mangie little cat Vivian keeps sticking his tongue up my snout....It's really my nose but that doesn't rhyme with abooot. Messages come to me from on high but Vivian just bites my thigh....

May the orange feet of demons stamp out your sorrows


Monday, January 29, 2007


They are melting. They are melting. Is anyone listening? Personally I just like looking at this picture because it reminds me that somewhere it is cool and somewhere there is water. Last night we looked at a meteor in the southern sky that is only ever going to pass us once. By US I don't mean the evil Disney empire I mean the planeeet Earth. What ever you do, save water because one of these days you will be all lathered up and the reservoir will run out. I'm Not joking. You know I don't joke because I am a Hairy Chihuahua.

May mauve eyed angels of understanding laugh at all your peccadillo's



Sunday, January 28, 2007


We got in the car the other day and drove for nine hours. That's right I said nine long stinking rotten hours only to get near where we were going and another bloody buggery fire breaks out! I tells you this country is burning up and the whole summer has been like hell on earth. It was terrifying yet some how exhilarating (yes I realise that is a big concept for such a little dog) as we drove right past the source of the fire while billowing black and mustard coloured clouds unraveled up wards swallowing the sky. But eventually we got where we were going which was to visit the old people. Parents. Both suffering the cruel ravages of time awakening the realization of the at once sorrowful yet gentle beauty of love and life. And what on earth does the picture have to do with all of this? Well this is a picture taken a long long time ago of a place called Yowie Bay from Matson's boat shed. Her, the one I adore Her maternal family were Finish boat builders who settled here after digging for gold in the fields and bought the property and prospered. Great Grand father known as the prince of light who you shall meet soon was also a habitual gambler losing the entire family fortune leaving only a few street names like Fredrick and Oscar as mementos of a richer time.......Thanks for the memories
Peace to you and may crystal threads always lead you back to your loved ones

Monday, January 15, 2007

Frustrated Old Bag

Okaye this painting is really really old but because it's her birthday tomorrow I'm letting you have a peek. It doesn't exist anymore cause she usually paints over her stuff. She wasn't happy with the mouth cause she reckons it made her look like a frustrated old bag.....
I can't be bothered with Joseph Hibiscus today because he can be a right pain in the bum. I still can't get over that fantastic poo I rolled in the other day shame no one else shares my refined pallet.
But as you know I am a very very cross little chihuahua
May the mirth of a thousand angels warm your cockles in the winter of your desolations...

Shingo Mama no O-ha Rock!

It's my favorite Katori Shingo in his famous role as Shingo Mama. OHAAAA!

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Religious name

Hi my name is Michael Jackson. I was named after someone religious but really I am just a penguin. Not even a real penguin. A one eyed penguin , not that there is anything wrong with that.
I suppose you are wondering how Joseph Hibiscus is, well he's fine, here is what happened next.
"Pish off yahggh liddle shodssshj!" shouts Joseph while a grimace replaces the smile and he flaps his sour dough arms about. Grimace at the prospect of itching ankles at midnight. Grimace to reach his haven, the safe place between the potted rubber plant and the snoring water dispenser. At times crouching on his haunches, at times rocking to and fro, at times concentrating on folding and unfolding his lips. Standing on the balls of his feet, pressing his back into the wall, hoping no one will notice him or the gaping crevice appearing in the daytime floor.
To be continued....
Michael Jackson( Sometimes Tubbs and Vivian don't like to talk about themselves so they use me as a mouth piece)

Saturday, January 13, 2007


The smoke is very heavy again and there are blowflies galore. I went for a walk and found some primo poo and rolled in it which was just great and I got promptly taken to the river for a bath.......I feel like a pearl before swine sometimes, no one appreciates my refined connoisseur's tastes.
I want to tell you a story . Its the story of a man who moved into my head a couple of years ago and wouldn't move out until I wrote him out which is hard when you have very small paws. His name is Joseph Hibiscus and this is his story.
The Genuflection of Joseph Hibiscus
Joseph Hibiscus quivered as the ivory bread nurse plucked out the last unruly nasal hair of which Joseph Hibiscus posessed a particularly virulent variety.
"Thar ya go Joh, ready for ya big wide world now eh?" She then touched him on the shoulder. He felt his soul soar, sucking in a deep breath as if to gather the ether surrounding such a miraculous event. Joseph tried to smile into her moon face but it was like walking through winter treacle. Once the lugubrious smile reached its pinnacle it was another five minutes before the face could catch up with the inner world of Mr. Joseph Hibiscus. By which time he shuffles down the mezzanine. Mindful of the snap snapping jaws of those pesky little Albanese minature crocodiles who were escapees from the recently donated Chinese water feature. A gift from the grateful husband of a woman forever lost to the meanderings of her menopausal mind.
Stay tuned for the next installment of The Genuflection of Joseph Hibiscus......

Friday, January 12, 2007


Well that's true. The latest update with the chicken/feral cat scenario goes like this......A large trap has been set, five chicken thighs have been planted as bait and the wheelie bin has been filled with water in preparation. The last two remaining chooks have been christened Yvon and Carlo for obvious reasons which I am far too gallant to go into and basically it's still fopping hot. If you are sick of all my winging and whining and strangely beguiling swearing technique about the fires and the heat and so forth spare a thought for ME! The painting is a picture of a photo of a painting of the spirit of Jed,(of the Domain Art Critic fame...) Yes, maybe his sexual orientation was ambiguous and yes, perhaps he enjoyed bandannas and Dusty Springnutts a little too much but so what, get your laws and paws off my bum I say!

May the flames of love lap at the skirt tales of you favorite swimming frock.


Thursday, January 11, 2007


Oh Tubsie when will she be home? I miss her so.. Its been four days and fifteen minutes since that great institute of learning took our love away. Since she's been gone I can do what ever I waaaaant but nothing, nothing can take away this blues..cause ...oh crap University is where she is and learning a bunch of stuff is what she's doing and I am NOT Sinerd O conner. I don't think much of the pope but more because of his non gender specific attire than anything else. Nice hat though.
Shanti Shanti

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

The Bill and Totti

Christ on a bycicle it's hot today!!! 40c in the shade so I am indoors avoiding the snakes and watching The Bill. I think I could make a great Inspector.....Inspector Tubbs...mmmmm

But that would take away from my true destiny as a player for the SOCCEROOS!!!!! Don't mention the word Totti in my house!

Alas she whom I adore has gone to far away Melbourne for a week and I am left to keep the peace. I hope you are all well and I will anwer you soon but my paws are having difficulty with the mailing system at the moment.

May moonbeams of joy cascade upon your alabaster bottoms.


Sunday, January 7, 2007

friends and frocks

This is what you call a ship of fools. That's Elton John on the far left, you have all met him in a previous blog. Behind him that's George Michael and next to George is Madonna. George Michael has two first names and Madonna only has one. Gina Lollobrigida is the red one with one eye then there is Cindy Lauper in the spots and finally its little Anthony Calea of the Australian Idol fame. They are a happy go lucky crowd of scamps who get up to all kinds of mischief.......Actually they are a sad substitute for living beings who I might forge a meaningful relationship with.
And the other photo is a picture of my favorite part of our house. Its the part of the house that is ignored and cast aside but I like it. I like the dress too.
May the Angels of peace cast their breath upon you.

Friday, January 5, 2007

Kitano's Rules

Is this what teachers dreams are made of?


This is the Infanta of the West Melbourne Municipal Pool. I saw her with my own eyes one day while strolling in the woodsy yet some how industrial up and coming suburb of West Melbourne.
Stillness to you

Rolling Bomber Special

Katori Shingo is just Fab.

Thursday, January 4, 2007


I too can be the chosen Burmese bald love monkey of the Master Kitano if I wish. For I am VIVIAN fear my name.
Omm Shanti

Wednesday, January 3, 2007


No its not illegal and in some countries it is even encouraged. Cross pollination of the species in our case is impossible unless you are suggesting cross pollination of neutered (gawd that's a hard word to spell) species. Any way I'm Vivian and as you already know that is Tubbs. I'm the stupid one she's just pretending.

Today's story is about Jed who was a member of our family many years ago. He died of natural causes unlike Dougal(God rest his Burmese soul) or Brett Whitely who came to a bit of a tricky end in a motel room in Terrigal or Kiama involving some top notch smack and a bottle of pineapple juice. Jed had befriended the Sydney socialite/artist at a coffee house in Kings Cross. They became acquaintances not in an intimate can I sniff your bum kind of way but rather in a gee that's a nice sculpture your carving up there, and I know it's meant to look like a burnt match stick but in fact looks more like a big black giants wopping shlong, do you mind if I piss on it kind of way. Which naturally Mr Whitely thought was utterly hilarious, throwing his head back with gay abandon , which was popular in the early nineties too, passing comment about such things as all the worlds a critic rah rah rah. That's why this painting is called Domain Art Critic and that's why we don't mess around with big black shlongs (not that there is anything wrong with them)or top notch smack or pineapple juice in our family.



Monday, January 1, 2007


She looks worried doesn't she? That's because she has realised she has the potential to be a pianist (of moderate skill) but will never be allowed to ride through Paris with the warm wind in her hair. This is Lola.

AKEMASHITEOMEDETOU! that's Happy New year in Japanese.

IT rained It rained It rained It rained for about five minutes. It was Amazing. The whole place smelled like cow poo which is really just wet grass. But now it has passed. Life's joys can be so fleeting.