Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Studious Vivian

It is now official. Vivian is the brains of this operation. Look at him there all absorbed in his work, showing true resoursfulness and resilliance. God he is so so amazing. My silly little ditties make me feel so petty.........
May your heart be as big as the brains of a very clever Burmese cat.
I am Tubbs and I am slightly intimidated

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

My song

I can play piano
I can do a jig
I have got very hairy ears
And umberella feet
May your pain be so picolo

Monday, January 28, 2008

oh the heat

When the heat is beating down and it's knocking on the door of forty degrees
I take myself into a dark corner, smile and dream of smelly cheese
I drape myself in a purple furoshki
and read books by nobakov and listen to Tchaikovsky
I may be small I may be hairy but my taste in culture is impeccable and scary
may peach blossom petals cool your sweaty brows.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Not the best place

Its that time of year when you crawl our of your hole after fourteen years living in a drab exoskeleton with nothing to entertain you but the slow pulse of future glories no matter how short lived it may be. So thinking a tyre of a car is the best place to celebrate your new found freedom not to mention potential bonk is probably a pretty thicko idea......That's cicadas for you. Big old thickos. We now have resorted to wearing ear plugs when outside as the sound of them calling out for a root is painful on the old ear drums........They are very pretty though and as for myself and Scuppers and Vivian well we like nothing more than a fresh one for afternoon snacks. Preferably if they are still making their zeep zeep noise...HEH HEH HEH
May the heat of summer fill your reservoirs of fecundity.

Janet Long Paddock having a baby girl called Yuki maybe Ethel

Look at me there in the middle of the bush fires last year all dressed in PINK!!!! That is because I knew that my friend Janet Longpaddock would be having a baby GIRL!!!!!!!!
Enough about Kaye ....What about ME Tubbs. It is my Blog after all.
What about all those poor Australians who nearly got hurt on their trip to the Antarctic!
NO WAY!!! Not Aussies!
Who gives a rats flying arse bum about all those frivolous idiots trying to sail their way to freedom when Howard was in power? If only they could all speak English.
Thats right I am Tubbs and I am sarcastic and it is the lowest for of wit but I am VERY short!
Tubbs.............Feck! Kaye is really attractive right now!

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

new room Happy Birthday Dudley

This is my new study where I ponder the words of the almighty......actually that is a lie. Its not my room. Its just that I wish I had a room like it. I have a room that is almost turquoise and has a mural but its not as grand as this one. I aspire to greatness but life can be a bitter disappointment. But after the rain comes the sun and that's what the colours are all about . This is a picture of the most beautiful room I have ever seen and when I die and go to heaven I will meet all the people I love in that room because it will be the waiting room that I have desired...Heaven is forthose who are loved and love and I hope there is a place for me..Yet more ponderings you have accompanied me upon. You are too kind.
Thunder claps of love may seep into your pores.

Monday, December 3, 2007


I love these two people and the bear scrapes in by association. naturally I love my mum the most even though she is demented. She still loves me and tells me so. I am very lucky, Then there are my friends Janet and Janet who bring me sanity and love and more love and my pets. My pets are not lovable like my friends slash family for they are more like parts of or extent ions of myself much do you love your arm?.....good question. So this brings me back to Kath who has one very sexy and talented arm and Johnny who is just like a walking arm but a bit hairy and very handsome.....arm that is. Tony my brother who is dead and Dudley my dad who is dead I loved very much......But is it better to love the living? I wonder......These are my ponderings. Thank you for joining me
May the thunder of happiness and love shatter your foundations eternally

Sunday, October 7, 2007

God I am so in love with Amy Winehouse

God I am so in love with Amy Winehouse at the moment that I think I am becoming her. Its really hard getting tattoos when you are a hairy chihuahua but I don't care. Let them try to make me go to rehab. Give me buprenorphine any day..... I love you Amy Winehouse. You are a goddess. And I am Tubbsie. They tried to give me a bath but I saidNOI NOI NOI

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Choose the bottm square from the music selection!

I don't understand why there have to be 4 that's right four! bloody buggery music selection windows when I only want 1 that's right one.....
This picture was taken on the way to Rutherglen where they make the best meat pies in Australia's. I know that because that's what it says on the sign outside the shop. We took Venla there because she likes meat pies. She really enjoyed the lemonade. It was fizzy. Not that I got to take part in any of the culinary activities. For I am the banished species who must stay in the car when food is mentioned. She finished the outing off with a lamington which was a resounding success enjoyed by all.
I am the observant Chihuahua.
I am Tubbs

Friday, September 28, 2007


I'm thinking of changing the name of this blog to Myrtleford Canine Opium Slut farm. Well at least that's what it's starting to look like. Meet Pinky. She is always very stressed out as you can see. Our little house is over run with animals and I Tubbs is the Queen of them all except for Vivian but he is usually asleep. Christ what a storm we had last night I thought the sky fell in but that's another story about a stupid rittle Chicken. May the sun kiss my little furry arse in gratitude for my petiteness and humility.

Meet Scuppers

This is Scuppers. He is six months old and is a boy. He was a white fluffy ball of fur when he arrived yesterday but now he is a brown fluffy ball after a run in the muddy paddock but he doesn't seem to mind. We had a blackout due to the massive thunderstorm and the arse fell out of the sky but we are all ok.........Thanks to Scuppers. Saviour of the universe. What a guy!
But i am Tubbs and have a tendency to sarcasm. Forgive me.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Only white people go into houses they know are haunted

It may be spring and the sun may shine so let all the little animals be friends. That's what I think but Pushkin hogs the sun with his massive arse.......But seriously isn't spring grand? I love it .....not Pushkin's arse. I'm not like that......well....maybe I what of it? Whats it to you? ....God could someone shoot Sinead O'Connor? Now, THAT'S an Arse! I think she is like a really bad episode of Scooby doo...minus the happy tablets....May raindrops of gentleness caress your ponderings. I am Vivian.

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Yum Yum Yum

Here are my three favourite pixies. There is Bush Piggie Pixie wearing the glasses. She is the best Bush Piggie in the world and can eat chips and gravy even in summer I think. Then there is Venla Pixie in her favourite pom pom hat and hand made orange scarf what Antonella made with a bucket full of Veneto Joy and Love. And then there is BEAR. I have my eye on bear and am biding my time and plotting the bearnap so I can capture him and lock him up in the gilded cage. Fatten him up and stuff him with plum stuffing and gobble him up at Christmas time with sweet ginger sauce and pumpkin tea.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Love Daphne

This is the finest flower in the world. It blossoms at the end of winter just as we are now, and its fragrance is so subtle yet the memories it evokes are full of contemplative horror. Like walking home from school past the house where the piano teacher lives and where the Daphne bloom profusely. On down the incline past the apartments made of sand where the old lady is killing a rat by holding it up in a birdcage and pouring boiling water on it. She stops for a moment as I walk by and smiles and bows. The smell of Daphne fills my nostrils flooding my childish essence with indescribable contentment. I stopped then bowed and greeted a polite hello to her as I continue on my way. As I go she resumes the watery execution. The child I was hoped that the rat experienced a moment of hope before its final merciful breath. Much like the promise spring holds for us before the torment of an arid desiccated summer again. And once more I have said too much for I dream the dreams of a small hairy chihuahua.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Not Us

This book is by Kaye Freeman the famous teen bible author....NOT the Jeddi Basher from Myrtleford.

Just so you know....

Look into my eyes

Look into my eye look into my eyes not around my eyes , into my......That's right it's easy to see who the intelligent one is. Meet my mate Pushkin, he is the brawn and I am the brains. Pushkin often visits for plotting against humanity meeeetings. He is forced to wear a diamontie collar whilst I run free as nature intended(indoors only). I never go to the outside world and that's OK with me. I like plastic bags.
That's me

Saturday, June 30, 2007

80th birthday

Happpppyyyy Birthdayyy toooo youoooo Happpyyyiii Birthsdayyy toooo youooooo Happppyyy birthdayyyy Venlaaaaaaaah Happpyyyyy Birthdayiiii Tooooo youoooo!!!!
Love from me and Johnny and Tubbs and vivian and eric and bobo and Bob and Dad and Tony and Oldy and Dah and Kath aand Nana and Fred and Aunty Gwen and Mary and Jeff and Betty and Venla and Sian and Johnathan and every one who has ever loved you.xxxxxxxxxx

Monday, June 25, 2007


Look at him there. Sleeping without a care in the world. Its not called Burmese Chihuahua for nothing you know! At times it feels like I'm the one doing all the work. That might explain the worried look I've always got on my face. Lately I've been doing my part for the community by visiting old people with dementia. They are almost like normal people but they are old and mental. Not that there is anything wrong with that. In fact I quite like them , they are always pleased to see me and they laugh no matter how many times I tell my polar bear joke. I like the way they dress and its always warm where they live. It makes you realize that life is all about something but it's not about being rich or famous or a wanka. That's Chihuahuanese for ......wanka.

I am Tubbs and may your decrepitude be bountiful with loving people.

Ommm Tubbs

Saturday, June 23, 2007

This one is for Venla

There she is flat on her back on the grass and rose petals in the middle of winter. The frost didn't melt till midday but there is moisture in the air so there is great rejoicing throughout the land.......

Monday, June 4, 2007


Anger and despair anger and despair I've got a silver frock(dress) so I don't care. This is the new Tubbs. Hideho I'm Tubsie and I'm back. From out of space and your here to find me here with that look upon my face I should have changed that stupid lock I should have thrown away the key if I thought for just one second you'd be back to bother me so now go go out the door I'm going through the anger stage cause I'm over the denial stage and I'm not sure what the next stage is perhaps it's bargaining but I don't care anymore 'cause I'm Tubbs.

Oh dear Leeeeeerd I almost forgot it rained it rained it rained it rained yay yay yay yay yay the river is full again and the ground is green again and all is almost well with the world.


May words of kindness tunnel their way into your speech. Always



Saturday, June 2, 2007

Take lots of fish oil

I have returned from the avalanch of life. My Father died just over a month ago and it took three weeks of hospital visits watching him wither away before my eyes. My pillar and living thesaurus and spell check has gone to his maker the big polar bear in the sky. Whilst all this was going on my mothers dementia was rapidly taking a turn for the bizarre which culminated in not much sleep for me. I write today for the first time as myself and not as Tubbs because she too has been unwell. Beware of Aprils and Mays I say!! She managed to find herself a rotting ecoli ridden carcus or droppings(so much for her past time) and so is now on a special diet and antibiotics. My mum on the other hand is physicaally healthier than all of us put together and the nine hour car trip from Gosford to Wangaratta was very very high tension to say the least....Thank god for Tamazipan. I'm not one to normally condone knocking old people out with meds but in this case it was a matter of keping her in the car.
Anyway we made it and I felt like th worst daughter in the world when we had to drop her off at the dementia unit of the hospital But as people kept telling me I needed to get some sleep. Its taken over a month but she is settling down...a bit.
We are converting the old tobbacco shed into a studio so expect much more natty artsy fartsy stuff from moi. This may be the only time I write as myself so be prepared for the return of angry Tubbs. She gets angry easily.
May the petals of cherry blossoms tickle you in all your crevices of hate.
Kaye xx

Saturday, March 17, 2007


Hello there!
Long tome no speaky(to myself)
Something about a sore spine preventing the human from sitting in front of the computah for more than 30seconds.....Meet little white elephant and Kewpie. They are a couple of funny fellows. Right now the little white elephant is saying,"HA ha ha ha ha Oh! Kewpie, that's a really funny story, how big did you say it was?"
Yeah they are a couple of real comedians.
You will all be pleased to hear that the nights are almost getting cooler(2nights in a row!) although the days are still a bit hot. It tried to rain again but not enough to crack open the crack about. Speaking of crack...Anna Nichole Smith has really taken over the chook pen. I have a sneaking suspicion she may be non gender specific, if you know what I mean.....No not that there is anything wrong with that. I read over some of my older bloggs and I'm a bit worried that I might be coming across as a complete mental. But remember....I'm very hairy.
Autumn breezes are whispering around my ear follicles.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Hairy arse

Meet Anna Nicole Smith our latest addition to the chook fraternity. Yes she is Buxom and she speaks her mind in so many unthinkable ways. Yet she is one of the lucky ones. For we have trapped and sent 4 feral cats and one fox to a watery grave and someone (not us, ran over another one of the cats on the bridge. ...The rickety bridge)
There was Ren and Stimpy, Frieda and Carlo and Ivon and Carlo2 and so many more. Now the Chickens are all safe but we keep the trap set just in case!!!! I understand that this kind of killing is justified not only because it saves so many chooks but also native animals.Cats and foxes are imported and they are killing many native spicies.Vivian has never been ouside.
love and kindness to you all, they are not a sign of weekness but strength,
I have a very hairy arse

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Poor End

I can't remember wether I have shown this painting before. Thats because I have a brain like a siv due to my miss spent youth. It is a painting called "The Angel of Queen Street"
Thats Queen St. in Sydney. Its full of very very rich people who sit at roadside cafes talking loudly. I lived at the poorend of that street for a while,(only in spirit because I wasn't born yet....(Remember I am a slightly angry young chihuahua)
So anyway there I was mixing it with the scum of the earth with Jed the one wot came befor me.(Dog Wise)When an angel walked infront of a ZX9R kawasaki bloody buggery convertable Rolls Royce!
So now you see what I see.
May you come to understand your ghosty maker

Sunday, February 11, 2007


This is my food bowl. Its not a big food bowl. Its not a very fancy food bowl. But its MY food bowl and its empty. Its empty because no one has bothered to put any food in it. I like to look at my food bowl. Its nice and cool on the lino and if I stay here long enough and look despondent enough somehow it might fill up with food, I live in hope. and that's the beauty of life. There is always hope. As long as you have a food bowl. Even if you don't have one you could always hope for one. Sometimes I dig at my food bowl in the hope it will fill up with lovely food. I'm Tubbs and I'm hopeful.

Friday, February 9, 2007

CIA and Iran

Staying with my deep rooted interest with all thing drying on a hills hoist. Yes, I realise this is NOT a hills hoist, it is a four stringed drying apparatus. However, with these petty distractions you are picking my nits. The colours, the patterns the synchronicity. I'm ganna git the CIA tu hav a rueel guud luuke at that. (attempt at southern american accent)
Remember, before the calm there comes the storm and every one should bloody well take a deep breath and dear god I hope no one attacks Iran cause then all hell will break loose.
Angry Tubbs

Nice Undies

Nice undies. Here is my ode to Anna. Anna Nicole Anna Nicole you began your career dancing round a pole. Your face much like an angel even when getting old. Anna Nicole Anna Nicole you always looked good in undies.
The End
Good on ya!

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Food Bowl

Look at him there. Isn't he just the bees knees. Nice background, nice chair very contemporary suit. What can I say? The man can do no wrong. He just gets better with age. Just like me. I keep scratching at my food bowl but the food never appears until SHE puts some in.
Life is indeed a mysterious and wonderful thing.
I am Vivian and I am the LOVE Monkey of Beat Takeshi.......It's official!

Sunday, February 4, 2007


The fires are back and it's been 40c in the shade again. Whilst I try and try to imagine a cooler wetter place it ends up looking like Jakarta. That's in Indonesia where 75% of the capital is under water. The cracks in the ground are getting bigger and its getting dustier here. On a lighter note we caught the feral cat wot ate some of our chickens. Sooty was his name. And this morning a fox went to his watery grave too. Maybe soon all our chickens will be safe. Maybe soon the fires will cease. Maybe soon it will rain. Maybe soon people will stop fighting. I am Tubbs and I am worried but what good does it do? And I still think George Bush is a turd.... (Definition of a turd: segment of a faeces.) That's right he's not even a full sample of fiscal matter. He's not the full turd. Speaking of turds how about that George Bush Junior?. Ooops sorry I was already talking about that turd. And why does he speak in half sentences? Is he just reafferming that he is not the full turd? That he is a fellaffel short of a kebab? That there is a kangaroo loose in his top paddock? That he is a sandwhich short of a picnic? Ah but as usual I have said too much.

May raindrops of truth fall upon you thoughts



Saturday, February 3, 2007


Here are my holiday photographs. The dingy is now a garden and that's as nautical this little chihuahua will ever get. The one of my ear and the orange sky is with the nice old lady who likes to fish and dream of ice skating and other one is of me looking pretty fabulous with Erik who is waiting for the old lady to catch a fish to eat.
May you always see your tribulations through the turquoise eyes of weeping gratitude

Wednesday, January 31, 2007


Its summer and I'm happy cause the winter is a far away thing and the children they are laughing cause there's a new TARGET in town . We can buy our brand new undies (under wear) and be as happy as happy can be and I am Tubbsie, ate all my dinner and the wine is tasting good. (Please remember to drink irresponsibly)

I give you a ball of golden thread, do with it what you will.


Tuesday, January 30, 2007


Gentleness and kindness is what I'm all aboooot. But that mangie little cat Vivian keeps sticking his tongue up my snout....It's really my nose but that doesn't rhyme with abooot. Messages come to me from on high but Vivian just bites my thigh....

May the orange feet of demons stamp out your sorrows


Monday, January 29, 2007


They are melting. They are melting. Is anyone listening? Personally I just like looking at this picture because it reminds me that somewhere it is cool and somewhere there is water. Last night we looked at a meteor in the southern sky that is only ever going to pass us once. By US I don't mean the evil Disney empire I mean the planeeet Earth. What ever you do, save water because one of these days you will be all lathered up and the reservoir will run out. I'm Not joking. You know I don't joke because I am a Hairy Chihuahua.

May mauve eyed angels of understanding laugh at all your peccadillo's



Sunday, January 28, 2007


We got in the car the other day and drove for nine hours. That's right I said nine long stinking rotten hours only to get near where we were going and another bloody buggery fire breaks out! I tells you this country is burning up and the whole summer has been like hell on earth. It was terrifying yet some how exhilarating (yes I realise that is a big concept for such a little dog) as we drove right past the source of the fire while billowing black and mustard coloured clouds unraveled up wards swallowing the sky. But eventually we got where we were going which was to visit the old people. Parents. Both suffering the cruel ravages of time awakening the realization of the at once sorrowful yet gentle beauty of love and life. And what on earth does the picture have to do with all of this? Well this is a picture taken a long long time ago of a place called Yowie Bay from Matson's boat shed. Her, the one I adore Her maternal family were Finish boat builders who settled here after digging for gold in the fields and bought the property and prospered. Great Grand father known as the prince of light who you shall meet soon was also a habitual gambler losing the entire family fortune leaving only a few street names like Fredrick and Oscar as mementos of a richer time.......Thanks for the memories
Peace to you and may crystal threads always lead you back to your loved ones

Monday, January 15, 2007

Frustrated Old Bag

Okaye this painting is really really old but because it's her birthday tomorrow I'm letting you have a peek. It doesn't exist anymore cause she usually paints over her stuff. She wasn't happy with the mouth cause she reckons it made her look like a frustrated old bag.....
I can't be bothered with Joseph Hibiscus today because he can be a right pain in the bum. I still can't get over that fantastic poo I rolled in the other day shame no one else shares my refined pallet.
But as you know I am a very very cross little chihuahua
May the mirth of a thousand angels warm your cockles in the winter of your desolations...

Shingo Mama no O-ha Rock!

It's my favorite Katori Shingo in his famous role as Shingo Mama. OHAAAA!

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Religious name

Hi my name is Michael Jackson. I was named after someone religious but really I am just a penguin. Not even a real penguin. A one eyed penguin , not that there is anything wrong with that.
I suppose you are wondering how Joseph Hibiscus is, well he's fine, here is what happened next.
"Pish off yahggh liddle shodssshj!" shouts Joseph while a grimace replaces the smile and he flaps his sour dough arms about. Grimace at the prospect of itching ankles at midnight. Grimace to reach his haven, the safe place between the potted rubber plant and the snoring water dispenser. At times crouching on his haunches, at times rocking to and fro, at times concentrating on folding and unfolding his lips. Standing on the balls of his feet, pressing his back into the wall, hoping no one will notice him or the gaping crevice appearing in the daytime floor.
To be continued....
Michael Jackson( Sometimes Tubbs and Vivian don't like to talk about themselves so they use me as a mouth piece)

Saturday, January 13, 2007


The smoke is very heavy again and there are blowflies galore. I went for a walk and found some primo poo and rolled in it which was just great and I got promptly taken to the river for a bath.......I feel like a pearl before swine sometimes, no one appreciates my refined connoisseur's tastes.
I want to tell you a story . Its the story of a man who moved into my head a couple of years ago and wouldn't move out until I wrote him out which is hard when you have very small paws. His name is Joseph Hibiscus and this is his story.
The Genuflection of Joseph Hibiscus
Joseph Hibiscus quivered as the ivory bread nurse plucked out the last unruly nasal hair of which Joseph Hibiscus posessed a particularly virulent variety.
"Thar ya go Joh, ready for ya big wide world now eh?" She then touched him on the shoulder. He felt his soul soar, sucking in a deep breath as if to gather the ether surrounding such a miraculous event. Joseph tried to smile into her moon face but it was like walking through winter treacle. Once the lugubrious smile reached its pinnacle it was another five minutes before the face could catch up with the inner world of Mr. Joseph Hibiscus. By which time he shuffles down the mezzanine. Mindful of the snap snapping jaws of those pesky little Albanese minature crocodiles who were escapees from the recently donated Chinese water feature. A gift from the grateful husband of a woman forever lost to the meanderings of her menopausal mind.
Stay tuned for the next installment of The Genuflection of Joseph Hibiscus......

Friday, January 12, 2007


Well that's true. The latest update with the chicken/feral cat scenario goes like this......A large trap has been set, five chicken thighs have been planted as bait and the wheelie bin has been filled with water in preparation. The last two remaining chooks have been christened Yvon and Carlo for obvious reasons which I am far too gallant to go into and basically it's still fopping hot. If you are sick of all my winging and whining and strangely beguiling swearing technique about the fires and the heat and so forth spare a thought for ME! The painting is a picture of a photo of a painting of the spirit of Jed,(of the Domain Art Critic fame...) Yes, maybe his sexual orientation was ambiguous and yes, perhaps he enjoyed bandannas and Dusty Springnutts a little too much but so what, get your laws and paws off my bum I say!

May the flames of love lap at the skirt tales of you favorite swimming frock.


Thursday, January 11, 2007


Oh Tubsie when will she be home? I miss her so.. Its been four days and fifteen minutes since that great institute of learning took our love away. Since she's been gone I can do what ever I waaaaant but nothing, nothing can take away this blues..cause ...oh crap University is where she is and learning a bunch of stuff is what she's doing and I am NOT Sinerd O conner. I don't think much of the pope but more because of his non gender specific attire than anything else. Nice hat though.
Shanti Shanti

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

The Bill and Totti

Christ on a bycicle it's hot today!!! 40c in the shade so I am indoors avoiding the snakes and watching The Bill. I think I could make a great Inspector.....Inspector Tubbs...mmmmm

But that would take away from my true destiny as a player for the SOCCEROOS!!!!! Don't mention the word Totti in my house!

Alas she whom I adore has gone to far away Melbourne for a week and I am left to keep the peace. I hope you are all well and I will anwer you soon but my paws are having difficulty with the mailing system at the moment.

May moonbeams of joy cascade upon your alabaster bottoms.


Sunday, January 7, 2007

friends and frocks

This is what you call a ship of fools. That's Elton John on the far left, you have all met him in a previous blog. Behind him that's George Michael and next to George is Madonna. George Michael has two first names and Madonna only has one. Gina Lollobrigida is the red one with one eye then there is Cindy Lauper in the spots and finally its little Anthony Calea of the Australian Idol fame. They are a happy go lucky crowd of scamps who get up to all kinds of mischief.......Actually they are a sad substitute for living beings who I might forge a meaningful relationship with.
And the other photo is a picture of my favorite part of our house. Its the part of the house that is ignored and cast aside but I like it. I like the dress too.
May the Angels of peace cast their breath upon you.

Friday, January 5, 2007

Kitano's Rules

Is this what teachers dreams are made of?


This is the Infanta of the West Melbourne Municipal Pool. I saw her with my own eyes one day while strolling in the woodsy yet some how industrial up and coming suburb of West Melbourne.
Stillness to you